My Teenage Daughter is Pushing Me Away: Why & What To Do
It can feel especially painful when you feel distant from your daughter. If you’ve been thinking, “my teenage daughter is pushing me away,” you’re in the right place. This stage can feel lonely and confusing, even if you’re doing your best, but it’s not uncommon for teens to pull away.
As a therapist and coach who specializes in mother-daughter relationships, I’ve worked with many moms navigating this exact situation. If your daughter shuts you out, it can be hard not to take it personally. Fortunately, understanding what’s going on can help you reconnect with your teenager.
In this article, you’ll learn why your teenage daughter might be pulling away, what to do about it, and helpful resources.
Why is my teenage daughter pushing me away?
Your teenage daughter might be pushing you away because of changing needs, communication challenges, or normal adolescent development. Understanding the why can help you show up with more compassion for your daughter and yourself.
They Want Independence
Teenagers crave autonomy. It’s part of becoming their own person. Pushing you away might be their way of setting boundaries or seeking privacy.
She might spend more time in her room or with friends instead of with her family. This doesn't mean she doesn't love you — it might mean she's trying to grow and develop a sense of independence.
They’re Unhappy
Your daughter might feel unsafe, misunderstood, or overwhelmed by expectations. This emotional distress can show up as withdrawal or irritability.
This can stem from:
Pressure from school, social media, or peers
Mental health struggles
Family tension or conflict
A need for more freedom or space
It’s a Normal Teen Response
It’s normal for teens to pull away at times. They’re figuring out who they are and how they want to show up in the world.
While this shift can feel abrupt or painful, it’s a key part of the adolescent-to-young adult transition.
In a healthy mom and teenage daughter relationship, she needs both space and connection. Your role is to stay grounded and supportive, even when she keeps you at arm’s length.
What to Do When Your Teen Daughter Pulls Away
If your teenage daughter is pushing you away, it’s important to respond gently. You can’t force connection, but you can stay available and loving.
Offer Love, Support, and Space
Although it can be difficult, keep showing up with love, even when your daughter is distant or irritable.
Simple affirmations and kindness go a long way. Let her know you’re here no matter what and that she’s valued just as she is. Affirm her strengths, interests, and individuality so she feels seen and accepted.
At the same time, respect her need for space. Giving her room to breathe is part of supporting her growth.
Prioritize Time Together
Spending time together might look different now than it did when she was younger. That's okay.
Focus on low-pressure moments that feel natural to her — maybe a walk, dessert run, or a favorite show. You don’t have to force deep conversations. Just being present and creating calm, shared experiences builds trust over time.
Try to keep simple routines in place too, like a weekly dinner or ride to school. This can create consistent points of connection.
Embrace Positive Moments
Don’t overlook the good moments, even if it’s small. A quick laugh, a shared meal, or an inside joke can help rebuild your bond.
You can also reflect on happy memories you've shared to help you stay grounded in love, especially during tough moments. These memories can also strengthen your patience and hope as you rebuild the relationship.
Have Open Communication
Open the door for honest, casual conversation. Let your daughter know you care and want to understand how she’s feeling. And try not to always make it about “fixing” the situation.
Ask what she needs from you right now and really listen. Active listening, without interrupting or offering immediate solutions, shows empathy. It also helps your daughter feel safe coming to you in her own time.
Don’t Take It Personally
Although this is easier said than done, it can help the overall situation if you don’t take it personally. It might feel like your teen doesn’t love you, but that’s rarely true. Her withdrawal or coldness is likely tied to developmental changes, not a reflection of how she feels about you deep down.
Give yourself grace. Parenting through the adolescent stage is emotional and challenging, even when you’re showing up with care and intention.
Practice Self-Care
Don’t forget to care for yourself, too. Prioritize time to process your emotions, rest, and nourish yourself. This might look like spending time with other loved ones, journaling, and taking breaks when needed.
Taking care of your well-being helps you stay calm, patient, and present, especially when things feel difficult at home.
Get Support
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Finding support can make a big difference because it helps you process your feelings, gain new perspectives, and learn effective ways to communicate. When you feel understood and equipped, it becomes easier to stay patient and open, helping you reconnect with your daughter over time.
Support might look like:
Seeking therapy or coaching
Listening to mother-daughter podcasts
Spending time with other parents
Joining support groups or online communities
My Teenage Daughter is Pushing Me Away: FAQs
Explore common questions below to better understand and support your daughter.
Should I force my teenager to spend time with me?
It’s best not to force your teenage daughter to spend time with you, as this can push her further away. Instead, offer gentle invitations to connect and respect her space when she isn’t interested.
How to tell if your daughter resents you?
If your daughter resents you, she may ignore you, avoid eye contact, or seem cold. She might also express sarcasm, criticism, or emotional distance.
Keep offering kindness and love, but set clear boundaries if she’s disrespectful. Calmly explain which behaviors aren’t okay and stay consistent with consequences while still leaving room for connection.
Why do daughters pull away from their mother?
When daughters pull away from their mother, it’s often about independence, emotional struggles, or shifting identity. Even if it feels personal, that’s usually not the case. This distance is a normal part of growing up and finding their own path.
What to do when your daughter pushes you away?
If your daughter pushes you away, stay calm, show up with care, and try to connect in simple ways. Communicate, listen, and give her space. And don’t forget to take care of yourself and get support if needed.
What do I do if my teenager wants to move out?
If your teenager wants to move out, calmly ask why and listen carefully. If safety is a concern, explain your worries. If moving out seems safe, work together on a clear plan and expectations. If not, discuss alternatives that offer independence but keep her protected.
My Teenage Daughter is Pushing Me Away: Conclusion
While it can be unsettling when your teen pulls away, there is hope. This stage is a normal part of adolescent years and likely isn’t a reflection of how your daughter truly feels about you.
Continue offering love and space, appreciate the moments you share, and don’t forget to take care of yourself. Even if she can’t express it now, one day she’ll likely see how much you care.
As a mother-daughter therapist and coach, I’d love to support you during this time. If you’re looking for more guidance, schedule a free consultation to explore how we can work together.
